“The underbelly of the human psyche, what is often referred to as our dark side, is the origin of every act of self-sabotage. Birthed out of shame, fear, and denial, it misdirects our good intentions and drives us to unthinkable acts of self-destruction and not-so-unbelievable acts of self-sabotage.”
Debbie Ford
Every day, almost everywhere we look, we are bombarded with someone else’s ideas of perfection. We are told, “You need this,” “You should wear this” and “You need to be this way or that way,”. No one seems to want to say, “You are fine the way you are”!
In this society of “whoever has the most toys wins”, most likely, no one ever will.
A perfect example of self-sabotage is the story of Madame Bovary. It is a story about a woman who has it all; a loving and devoted husband, wonderful children, a beautiful house, public standing and respect, and a family who love her dearly.
When she was young, she went to a fancy ball at a count’s home. For the rest of her life she compared everything she had to that one night. Nothing she ever had was enough. She cheated on her husband and ran him into debt to fill the hole in her life that she, herself, had created.
In the end, she ruined herself and her family all because nothing was ever good enough for her.
If you are wondering what her story has to do with you, it’s because we do this to ourselves all the time with negative thinking about our bodies, wanting more things, or ‘stuff’, and trying to make ourselves into something we aren’t.
We watch TV and movies and see perfection, the perfect romance, and the dashing hero saving the damsel, where everyone is beautiful, heroic, and perfect.
That is fiction. It is the glamourous, make believe, ‘Hollywood’ image that the media sells us. We need to learn to accept ourselves as we are and enjoy the good things we have in our own lives. That is reality, and accepting that is the only way to really love one’s self.
Here are a few areas where you may be comparing yourself to others. You will find out how to get away from the ‘societal norm’, so you can be on your way to loving yourself for who you are.
1. Your body.
Hollywood would have us believe that everyone is tanned, skinny, fit, and has perfect hair, teeth, and skin. But it is all a façade! You can not compare to that imaginary make-believe world’s idea of beauty.
Your personal beauty comes from inside you.
Write down the things that you love about yourself. If you are overweight and unhappy about it, then do something! Change how you eat or get out and walk a little everyday. Not everyone is a supermodel, nor is everyone supposed to be.
2. Your career.
If you are stuck in a job that you hate, find a new one; one that you will like more. If your work is making you physically ill, it is time to move on. That misery you will feel will carry over to the rest of your life.
Figure out what you love doing and then find a way to get paid doing it.
It is not easy, and it might not happen overnight, but if you love what you do, your entire life improves.
3. Your possessions.
We are bombarded with ads for stuff and they all look so amazing. We find ourselves wanting more and more things, but do we really need them? Possessions won’t fill any personal void you have or provided you with true happiness.
What is it that you are missing in your life? Figure that out and then fill the void, not with ‘stuff’ and things, but with causes, goals, dreams.
4 Your relationship.
If you are in a healthy relationship and you are truly in love for several decades, then you are very blessed. In reality, as a relationship goes on for months and years, it may not be that whirlwind of romance anymore, and you can not always expect your partner to be breath-taking.
Yet no matter what you see on TV, a relationship always takes work and sacrifices.
Think of ways to make your relationship feel new and exciting, and take joy in the fact that you have someone who loves you.
5. Your past.
The past is just that; the past! You can not do anything about the past, except learn from it. You can not base your life around a singular event no matter how great or terrible it was. All you can do is remember and learn from it.
Don’t let something that happened eat you up and destroy your future. Instead, think about how you can become better from it, and then make the commitment to move forward.
6. Love yourself.
Lastly, remember that you are who you are. Everyone is supposed to be different; it’s what makes you special.
There’s no one in the world who is exactly like you and that makes you special, unique, and amazing.
Talk to the people who care about you. They can help you see yourself the way they do. This can help you understand why they love you and why you should love yourself.
Heed these tips to find a renewed satisfaction in yourself, your loved ones, and your life. You’ll be glad you did!
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